S Quotes

Saturday Night Live

Norm Macdonald: Kenny G will be releasing a CD fully comprised of Christmas songs. Happy birthday, Jesus - HOPE YOU LIKE CRAP.

Scary Movie

Buffy Gilmore: Oh my god, we hit a boot!
Greg: Where's the foot?

Reporter: What would've been your last words to Drew?
Shorty: Run, bitch, ruuuuuuuuuuuuuun!

Seed of Chucky

Chucky: It looks like the kid fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Shallow Hal

Rosemary: Look, I know what I am and I know what I'm not. I'm the girl who, you know, gets really good grades and who's not afraid to be funny. And I'm the girl who has a lot of friends who are boys and no boyfriends. I'm not beautiful, ok, and I never will be. And I'm fine with that. But when you go around saying I'm something that I'm not, it's just, it's just not nice.

Shrek

Donkey: I think I need a hug.

Shrek: If I treat you so badly, then why are you still here?
Donkey: Because that's what friends do, they FORGIVE EACH OTHER.

Shrek 2

Queen: Harold!
Princess Fiona: Shrek!
Shrek: Fiona...
King: Fiona!
Princess Fiona: Mum!
Queen: Harold!
Donkey: (happily) Donkey!

Donkey: I mean, how good looking could this Prince Charming guy be anyway?
The Ugly Stepsister: Are you kiddin'? He's gorgeous! His face looks like it was carved by angels.
Puss-in-Boots: Hmmm... he sounds dreamy.

Shrek: Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you, unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.

Simpsons

Homer: Well, he might have all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy.
Marge: What's that?
Homer: (Pause) A dinosaur!

Ned: Oh Homer we hit something.
Homer: (laughin) I hope it was Flanders.

Homer: I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!

Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: Uh, he sold poison milk to school children.

Comic Book Guy: Last night's "Itchy & Scratchy" was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.

Homer: Please don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them.

Kent Brockman: Dozens of people are gunned down each day, but until now, none of them was important.

Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Post Office Worker: Okay. What's your first name, Mr. Burns?
Homer: ...I DON'T know.

Homer: Apu, if it makes you feel any better, I've learned that life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

Homer: Oh Bart, don't worry, people die all the time. In fact, you could wake up dead tomorrow...Well goodnight.

Groundskeeper Willie: Now, the kilt was only for day-to-day wear. In battle, we donned a full-length ball gown covered in sequins. The idea was to blind your opponent with luxury.

Smallville

Lex Luthor: You know in ancient Persia, the kings would kill a messenger who brought them news they didn't like. In modern times a sword in the chest might seem a little extreme. Something more subtle would be in order. Enjoying your drink?

Lex Luthor: Clark has really nice hair.

Lex Luthor: Well thanks Lois. You know, there's nothing more valuable than the savy political advice of a muffin peddling college dropout.

Sleepaway Camp III

Angela: Good thing you're dead 'cause in a couple of years your breasts would have been sagging something terrible!

South Park

Mr. Garrison: Gay people, well, gay people are EVIL, evil right down to their cold black hearts which pump not blood like yours or mine, but rather a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-sized brains which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns of violent behavior. Do you understand?

Butters: When Cartman is playing all alone in his backyard, he likes to dress up like Britney Spears and pretend he's her. He sings and dances around with a life-size cut out of Justin Timberlake. And I videptaped him doing it. I've got the whole thing on tape, even him making out with the Justin Timberlake cut-out. And if Cartman ever messes with me again, I'm gonna show that video to everybody. And then I'll have my revenge, boy-howdy.

Cartman: If some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like, "Hey. Why don't you stop... dressing me up like a mailman... a-and making me dance for you... while you go and... smoke crack in your bedroom... and have sex with... some guy... I don't even know. On my dad's bed.
(Long pause)
Stan: Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?
Cartman: I'm just saying you're just a little wuss, that's all.

Stan: You guys, I'm getting that John Elway football helmet for Christmas.
Cartman: How do you know?
Stan: 'Cause I looked in my parents' closet last night.
Cartman: Yeah, well I sneaked around my mum's closet too and saw what I'm getting. The Ultravibe Pleasure 2000.
Stan: What's that?
Cartman: I don't know but it sounds pretty sweet.

Mr. Garrison: Who knows what a can food drive is?
Cartman: Isn't that where they cut open a chick's stomach to get the baby out?
Mr. Garrison: No that's a caesarian section, Eric, but remember there are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Tweek: But what if I'm trying to put on the nose, the snowman comes alive and tries to kill me?
Stan: Tweek, when has that ever happened, except for that one time?

Cartman: Oh and look what Kyle's got me, it's a red Megam... Ants in the Pants, Ants in the Pa... ANTS IN THE PANTS?!
Kyle: It's a game dude, it's really fun.
Cartman: YOU SON OF A BITCH, YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO GET ME THE RED MEGAMAN, NOW I CAN'T MAKE ULTRA MEGA MAN!
Kyle: They were all out of them dude!
Cartman: I HATE YOU, I WANT YOU TO DIE.. OK THIS PARTY IS OVER, EVERYONE GO HOME!

Spaceballs

Dark Helmet: (Playing with his dolls)
(Dark Helmet voice) And now Princess Vespa, I have you in my clutches, to have my wicked way with you, the way I want to.
(Vespa voice) No, no, go away, I hate you! And yet... I find you strangely attractive.
(Dark Helmet voice) Of course you do! Druish princesses are often attracted to money and power, and I have both, and you *know* it!
(Vespa voice) No, no, leave me alone!
(Dark Helmet voice)No, kiss me!
(Vespa voice) No! Stop!
(Dark Helmet voice) Yes, yes!
(Vespa voice) Oh, oh, oh! Ohhhh, your helmet is so big!
Colonel Sandurz: Lord Helmet!
Dark Helmet: WHAT?
Colonel Sandurz: You're needed on the bridge sir!
Dark Helmet: Knock on my door! Knock next time!
Colonel Sandurz: Yes, sir!
Dark Helmet: Did you see anything?
Colonel Sandurz: No, sir! I didn't see you playing with you dolls again.
Dark Helmet: Good!

Spongebob Squarepants

Patrick: I'll tell you a little story called "The Ugly Barnacle": Once there was a very ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everybody died. The End.

Mr. Krabs: I didn't want to tell you this in front of Patrick, but that hat makes you look like a girl.
SpongeBob: Am I a pretty girl?
Mr. Krabs: Well... yes, you're... you're beautiful.

Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi

Darth Vader: Luke... help me take this mask off.
Luke: But you'll die.
Darth Vader: Nothing can stop that now. Just for once... let me... look on you with my OWN eyes.
Anakin: Now... go, my son. Leave me.
Luke: No, you're coming with me. I'll not leave you here. I've got to SAVE you.
Anakin: You already have, Luke. You were right. You were right about me. Tell your sister... you were right.