M Quotes
Married With Children
Al: Kelly, when I was a kid, there were lots of parties I wasn't invited to. I showed up anyway. I stood there with a big smile on my face, and said, "I'm here." and headed right for the food. Sure, they didn't want me there, but I had a great time. And if they didn't, so what? The point is if you want to be there, be there. Even if they hate you. You're a Bundy. Start acting like one.
Al: A fat woman came into the shoe store today and asked for something to wear for a walk in the woods. Jokingly I suggested a sandwich sign saying "don't shoot, from the front I look human." Now you think a good natured, jolly lady like that could take some good humored teasing, but what does she do? That cow goes and complains to the owner who then gives her a gift certificate for $200 worth of free shoes. Now you know whose paycheck that's going to come out of?
Peggy: Kelly's?
Al: Damn right, if only if I can find where she hides her purse.
Al: What's on now?
Peggy: I Love Lucy.
Al: Well I hate Lucy. The real star was Fred. They should've killed off Ethel, Lucy and that illegal alien... Made Fred a single man and called it "Mertz's World", but oh well.
Al: Al Bundy here. I'd like to report a missing apple. No, not some stupid computer, I'm talking about a fruit. I know it's not a donut, but it's important to me.
Al: (to Peg) They're transfering me to the Chief of Stolen Produce. Hello, who is this? Lt. Granny Smith? You sound like that Officer Jalopy I talked to when I called to report the Dodge missing... Okay, that's it. I'm calling the mayor. Er, who is the mayor?
Al:(Writing down name) "McCheese". Okay you're in trouble now, Buddy, I voted for him.
Al: I hate Christmas. The mall is full of nothing but women and children. All you hear is "I want this.", "Get me this.", "I have to have this."... and then there's the children. And they're all by my store 'cause they stuck the mall Santa right outside ringing his stupid bell. As if you need a bell to notice a 300-pound alcoholic in a red suit. "Ho, ho, ho," all day long. So, nice as can be, I go outside, ask him to shut the hell up. He takes a swing at me. So I lay a hook into his fat belly and he goes down. Beard comes off, all the kids start crying and I'm the bad guy.
Kelly: (watching "Superman") What does the "S" on his chest stands for?
Al: "Straight". You know, he has to be careful when changing clothes in the phone booth.
Mars Attacks!
Sue Ann Norris: I'll tell you one thing, they ain't gettin' the TV.
Mean Girls
Coach Carr: Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers.
Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike: Sometimes I just wanna put a bullet in my skull.
Bill: I used to give up easy on selling display, I had only one rule.
Tom: Kill or be killed.
Bill: As long as the bread didn't fall on the floor while I was there, it was ok.
Crow: I was a sick man.
Bill: But not anymore.
Mike: Now I just throw it on the floor.
Narrarater: But did Johnny really intend to be bad?
Tom Servo: Or is he just pure evil?
Narrarater: But on this day something unexpected happened.
Mike: Gumby was nude.
Joel: Wah, flying elves are back!
Commander: Don't blame yourself son.
Crow: It's not your fault you're a chunk-head.
Mike: And our brave hero roasts the disabled man.
Mike: Sorry I killed you Gary, nothing personal.
Crow: Loser status confirmed.
Tom Servo: Hey look, a lesbian..of the future!
Mike: Food courts of the future!
Crow: You've had the misfortune of running into me, i'm a life wrecking idiot.
Crow: Sooner or later, the world's gotta stop idiots like this from almost taking it over.
Crow: It's S&M day at the field muesum!
Tracy: Not a soul for miles.
Joel: I'm not bringing mine.
Tom Servo: Face it kid, Trumpy never loved you.
Tommy: I'm going to teach you how to play. Do you know what playing is?
Crow: (as Trumpy) Yes. It's when I break you in half.
Tommy: Trumpy, you can do magic things!
Crow: It's called 'evil' kid.
Tommy: Trumpy you wouldn't hurt me, would you?
Crow: (as Trumpy) I like you Tommy, I will kill you last.
Tom Servo: Torgo, you're missing the fight! Put your dress on and get in there!
Tom Servo: When Carney's flrt.
Mike: Oh, thank you for guiding me otherwise I would have walked in any random direction.
Mike: This brain has preformed an illegal operation & will be shut down.
Mike: Hi, I'm Bob Evil.
Scott Baio lookalike: It's easy to get hurt.
Crow: Like when I got my butt caught in the toaster.
Mike: Pumaman: Liberace with Dockers.
Mike: I just wanna be brave for my horrible frigid non-supportive girlfriend!
Jenny: How did Marion die?
Mr Snow: Didn't Eric tell you?
Crow: He sat on her head.
Crow: See here's his problem, going around town dressed like that, asking women 'Have you seen my little monkey?'
Crow: Remember to believe in magic... or I'll kill you.
Crow: JC Penney Hooker Wear! For the casual hooker at work, rest, or play.
Crow: Proving once again that slightly unattractive people are evil.
Troy: My father, you knew him?
Tom Servo: Knew him? He was delicious.
Tom Servo: Seems to me that randomly blowing up things is not a good strategy in a spaceship.
