F Quotes
Family Guy
Peter: Yeah, I'm looking for some toilet training books.
Salesman: Oh, yes, we can help you there. "Everyone poops" is still the standard, of course. We've also got less popular "Nobody Poops But You".
Peter: Huh... well... you see... we're Catholic so... uh...
Salesman: Oh, well then you want "You're a Naughty Child and that's Concentrated Evil Coming Out of the Back of You".
Peter: Christmas is the time of year when the ghost of Jesus rises from the grave to feast on the flesh of the living and we sing Christmas carols to lull him back to sleep.
Spectator #1: Outrageous! How dare he say such blasphemy! I've got to do something!
Spectator #2: Bob, there's nothing you can do.
Spectator #1: Well, I guess I'll just have to develop a sense of humor.
Gene Simmons: Someone kidnapped Santa? That does not rock.
Young Peter Griffin: Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Museum Curator: Because you touch yourself at night.
Peter: Gays don't vomit. They're a very clean people. And they've been that way ever since they came over to this country from France.
Peter: Is the Count a vampire?
Brian: What's that?
Peter: He's got those big fangs. Have they ever shown him doing somebody in and then feeding on them?
Brian: You're asking if they've ever done a Sesame Street in which the Count kills somebody and then sucks their blood for sustenance.
Peter: Yeah.
Brian: No, they've never done that.
Wilfred Brimley: Hi, I'm Wilfred Brimley, and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee, and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day, I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago, I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife's been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?
Fight Club
Tyler Durden: Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.
Tyler Durden: It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything.
Futurama
Leela: We're going to deliver this crate like professionals.
Fry: Aww, can't we just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it?
Bender: Too much work. I say we burn it, then *say* we dumped it in the sewer.
Fry: It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for the winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. And also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?
Bender: (while sleeping) Kill all humans, kill all humans, must kill all hu...
Fry: (shakes him) Bender wake up.
Bender: I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.
