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08/05/2008 Entry: "Noth.."
I wish someone would tell me what to do.
No, I'm gonna edit this entry. Say more. Never can correctly write what I'm thinking here but..
Oh, god how I want to go to Wildwood..I wish I could. But I could never find my way there..or even if I could, I could never make it back - the setback of a bad driver who can't find their way out of a paper bag.
Even to drive out, drive around, gas prices..while slowly coming down, are still high. So I use that as an excuse to stay at home. I am most content at home anyways. Even when I do go out, there's not much I can find..
No, I can't describe this.
Back to the original thought, I wish there was someone who COULD help me. I'm such am immature self-centered loner at this point, that I don't expect nor think I should deserve to have such a person in my life..Any postive attention I would receive, I probably could not possibly give back, my nature..being set in my ways, prevents this.
I should help myself, but I still hate myself to the point that...yeah, to a certain point, I WANT myself to suffer, I deserve it.
And pain is still feeling. To feel something..hell, ANYTHING is..
Pointless to describe..descri...How do you spell it?
Just talking to myself, pointless to spell correctly. I know I can't. Another setback. Why am I this way?
Don't try hard enough. Such pointless activities I spend my time on. But like I could achieve anything, like ANYONE connected to me (related) has. We're not meant to. Stories of those breaking though hardships & gaining fame & fortune: that's meant for other people.
I'm destined to fail.
And I use that excuse, but I really do believe it.
****
There's nothing much out there for me.
boo-hoo...
