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07/22/2008 Entry: "My mom is mentally ill."
I lose track of what goes on..Well, nothing much goes on but..hey listen to THIS.
What day was it...? Saturday, yep, Saturday. I had the day off & I went over to my aunt & uncle's house with the intention of finally collecting the money they borrowed weeks ago & spending some time with them. Based on what my uncle had said to me the day before, I thought perhaps he would drop me & their daughter off at this place called 'Outdoors World' (it's a cool store connected to the Mall) that my cousin really wanted to visit but I didn't know how to drive to. Sorta unfortuntely, he informed me that he had changed those plans & was gonna take us to the creek instead...OR I could take my cousin out until about 6pm, when he & my aunt would be done at the creek.
See, I had no bathing suit & was in no mood for the former, so, dispite not wanting to be out for so long, I went out with my cousin..Didn't do too much different from what we usually do..played at the arcade, visited abunch of pet shops, walked around the mall, had some lunch & ice cream, saw Wall-e again (I'm still obsessed with that movie, btw..Frankly it's one of the few things keeping me alive & sane right now.) Drove her home & left to go home myself, after her parents got back.
Unfortunely by then it was after 7pm & my mom chose to this day to go PYSCHO-BITCH.
So anyways..I get home, it's late, still light out because it's summer. My dad asks me if I had a good time out & then they bring up the subject of an Anniversery present, since it's their Anniversery this Thursday. My mom had previously brought up this subject to me - that they wanted money this year, and since I've forgotten how much I would get this (dollar amounts in gift cards) I asked how much..$50 EACH, she had said. I thought that was freakin' ridulous. And had previously told her so, in less harsh words. You know, for gift giving, I think I'm pretty generous - hell, for their Birthdays or Christmas I would normally spend or give $50 or more. But for an Annivesary - something I have NOTHING to do with & for a gift that is suppose to be a JOINT present to both of them..Asking or demanding (like they seem to do later on) IS FUCKING GREEDY.
But, for whatever reason (perhaps because they were planning on going gambling like they do every month & wanted that money NOW so they could lose it), this subject was brought up again & I expressed the same view that $100 was too much in my opinion.
"FINE. You don't have to get us NOTHING.", my mom, who had previously been talking in only a montone earlier, drama-izes.
This is normal for her, anytime she argues, she goes into this whole 'Woah is ME'-mode. My dad briefly continues this arguement, but my mom stands by her grounds with "You don't have to get us ANYTHING...And by the way, I don't appresant you not letting us know you were not coming home late."
"I didn't orignally intent do." I said so truthily.
She continues on, complaining that my one cat's food dish (for her & her 4 kittens) was empty (I feed them in the morning & in the evening - this day I failed to feed them since I wasn't around - still no biggie since it's not like my mom has a job or anything) when she came back (my neighbors/rich landlords on on vacation - hence we can use their pool). And I could have "Called them, I have a cell phone.." (although since my mom was up at my neighbors & has no cell, whom would have heard anyways?) and she's sure my "aunt & uncle (she used their names, but I'm not) would have let me use THEIR phone."
That last part was said in an 'Yes, I know EVERYTHING'-way, Which is stupid because she KNOWS I keep in contact with them, hell I spend 2 nights there last month. I don't lie about that & I don't bring them up because she does not want to hear about them.
And, incase you are reading this & don't keep track of all the little insanities of my family tree. My mother, for whatever stupid reason she invented in her head, presently has cut off all contact with my aunt, uncle & cousin...leaving her with no family & friends beyond my dad & I. End backstory.
So since she's (for whatever reason she's invented in her head) pissed off at me, I head inside & retreat to the safety of my 2 rooms in this house. Fortunely I only have to head downstairs to feed my cats & get food for myself, so it's a nice safe retreat for me.
Since then she has not spoken to me. And then today, my whipped father demands that I speak to HER. I wander into the 'front room' (as we call it), the room that contants their tv & the chair my mom will sit in, reading romance novels thought most days. I tell her this: 'That dad tells me to talk to her, but I was under the impression that she did not want to speak to me.'
Still in her stuborn mode, she goes on that she 'Has nothing to say to me & I should go about with my own life.'
Yeah my life. Like I live a rebellious life that brings stress to THEIR little existence..
Anyways, that's my present situation. Alittle more serious than usually.
Mind you, I REALLY don't try to do anything to upset these people. I'm a loser of a daughter, yes, but I do work, I pay rent, I will typically tell them before I go out, I will look online for their lottery results or purchase gifts that my mom will want to give to my father. I'm scared enough of them that I don't have the nerve or courage to talk back or take action against their insane ways..
And I remember last time they give me this whole 'silent treatment'..Just after getting back from sleeping over at my aunt & uncles. JUST after my mom had decided to cut them out of our lives..Atfirst simply her sister & brother-in-law, but then even the present she bought (well, I bought, she gave me the money afterwards) was not going to be given to her niece.
There was not talking for a few days with that. They knew where I was, alcourse, I didn't lie..Just because I dared to not listen to her & go 'head & not disapoint my cousin was reason enough for them to not talk to me or avoid entering a room when I was downstairs. Not even saying a freakin' 'Happy Birthday' to me once on that particular day..And then, one day my mom calls me down for dinner, like those days never happened..
Speaking of which, I should have said this at the start of this entry but..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY VEGA!!!!
very late..I'm sorry, I wish I had atleast drawed a card for you. I'll tell you the truth, that I tried to, shortly after I saw it was your birthday on your site, but I couldn't do such a good job..Whatever skills I have in drawing become very rusty after a few months. I would try again, but it seems rather pointless at this point.
I wish I could show more kindness towards those online who actually give me...well, just THAT- kindness.
So, back to the rant/story.
Will this be the point where they throw me out? At which point I have no choice but to move in with my aunt & uncles..Not SUCH a bad situation, mind you...but I would be...very messed up with all the change. I've lived & grown comfortable with my isolation...and my..(looks around room)..my stuff. I could never fit all my stuff there. In, in a way, I feel I need them all. Hard to explain. And my cousin, as much as I love her & love visiting - she would drive me INSANE after a few days. She would, she would not leave me alone & I NEED my alone time. I know no other way to live.
There's another situation that came up a few...maybe it was just 2 weeks ago, actually.
Do you remember Jesse? This is a guy I worked with briefly at Blockbuster for a few months. He's someone I actually got along with quite well, we could joke with one another & actually had quite a few good conversations/discussions. And then, suddenly, while I was on vacation, he quit. A few months later, there was talk from my manager that he wanted to come back, but there was nothing after that. This is someone I actually missed & thought about for awhile after he left.
About 2 weeks ago, he was at my store. He recondised me before I could really remember him & spoke briefly & gave me his cell phone to call & said that we should 'hang out sometime'. Afterwork I did call & we did talk some, he seemed very happy to see me & that I had called. His present situation wasn't very good - he had no car, no job at the moment & was living at a section of his mother's house.
He also said there weren't many minutes left on his cell to use, but after the phone call ended, we texted messaged for awhile & had talked of continuing the converstation the next night after he had purchased more time for his phone.
I called the next day, but no one picked up. To my discredit, I didn't leave a message, but at the point I wondered if he even purchased any minutes yet..Since then, nothing.
I hate it when people do this. I hate false hope & I hate people that act friendly only to cut you out of their lives as if you didn't matter. This has happened a few times already.
If I could get by on my own, I would just say 'Screw the world' & cut myself off from everyone.
I'm gonna wrap this up now.
WRAPPED.
(please forget the misspellings - I can not spell correctly & I write words in the wrong order even when I'm really trying to type correctly - also I really don't want to read over these events again.)
