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04/16/2008 Entry: "Drugs are bad, M'kay."
Stupid drama.
My mom's going off into one of her screaming rants. This one involves my uncle again. She appearently caught him & my parent's friend/my uncle's ex-brother in law 'Ed' smoking pot out in our barn. Ed has appearently told them my uncle had sold it to him & was selling it around & such. I haven't gotten to hear my aunt's side of the story...Her phone's busy.
It's probably true anyways. Hell my uncle DID sell drugs in the past, he's been in jail several times, he's stolen, ect. ect. We all know this.
Hell my mom, in the middle of her rant to me, said she smoked pot a couple of times. I've FOUND pot in a jewery box before (in the middle of some of my snooping of my parent's probably while they were away...What? Everyone has bad habits, this is one of mine.) which is no longer there so..Pot, kettle.
I frankly don't care either way. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. I don't think highly of any of the activities, but if anyone else wants to live that way, it's their life.
No, frankly right now I want nothing more in the world then to go to my aunt & uncle's house, see my cousin on her birthday & to watch her open her presents.
Shall see if that will happen.
Btw, I left my interview with notice that I would receive information on my first day of work & things required for my hiring later that evening. That did not happen, but I had the cordless phone up in my room for several hours which (unknowingly to me) might have disabled it. The 'hiring manager' does not work til Friday, so hopefully I'll have my answer then.
*talked to my aunt*
Ok, according to her, my uncle is NOT selling drugs. My mom told me that she aunt said that she knew 'he was' doing this.
EH...Just all messed up. Sorry can't type..or clearly come up with words.
I hate 'Ed' btw. My parents convinced him to stay the night at our house a few days back. I could not come downstairs, because everytime I did I would hear degrading comments from him, backed up by my parents. (If you're drunk & in the mood to gossip/badmouth people, the umployeed loser daughter who still lives at home is an awful good target.)
Also, appearently (this is what I heard from my aunt) my dad offered 'Ed' $50 to find me a boyfriend (most likely to move in with). And (from what I've heard from my sister) he wants my aunt & uncle to actually let me move in with THEM.
Sooooo...no one really wants me around. Save for my mom. When she's pissed off at my aunt or dad, I'm the only one she can rant to.
Back to my cousin's bday party. At first my mother was okay with them picking me up for this, as she wants nothing to do with them presently. A few minutes ago, she comes knocking on my door, saying how she doesn't want me to go, the police will bust the place, I'll be arrested..Really ridiculous stuff, I'm shaking my head while typing this.
Once she gets around to screaming at my dad, she might convince HIM to forbid ME to go there. That hasn't happened yet, but I'm afraid it might go there.
This brings me to a Quote of the Day
Charlie Brown: ""Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice inside of me says, 'This is going to take more than one night.'"
Used before but still good. I have let my life become much too screwed up. Not really such much, the 'depression/obsession/lack of interacting with people' part, but just not having a stable career, enough money to live on my own or the simpliest knowedge about automobles.
Soon enough it'd get to the point where I'll move in with my aunt & uncle or frustrated enough with myself that I'll end up hanging myself with a belt. But then it could just go on like it's been going on..Idontknow.
I just need a big change or event to change the course of my life. A kick in the pants, really.
See ya.
