[Previous entry: "My time away."] [Main Index] [Next entry: "Job interview, scary dream, youtube."]
01/02/2008 Entry: "It's cold."
Why is it so damn cold in here?
I went out today. Got 2 cool (don't like using that word, but no other descriptive word comes to mind) shirts at Goodwill, $3.50 each, sweet. Hot Topic was having a nice sale, 50% off items that were already discounted. So I got new corset tops, one skirt (haven't worn a skirt in god only knows how long, but you never know..) & 2 horror pens (with Freddy & Jason on the top) for $30. I would take pictures to show you but I'm lazy & no one really cares anyways.
I'm not trying to act all mopey, I'm just telling it like it is.
It is very cold. I'm used to this but..
(puts purple arm warmers on)
You know, these ACTUALLY work..Here I was thinking they were just for fashion, but they kept my wrist/lower arm/hands warm today. But they make typing too hard, so off they go again.
(takes off)
What you are reading now should have been edited out.
Nails make it hard to type as well..Just saying.
But back to what I was saying, no wait.
I did something different today. Normally, when I go to Carisle Pike road, I take abunch of backroads..Like my father would, which is the only way I remembered how to get there..following the extact roads he would take. Today, I simply drove farther on the highway & turn a turn when I thought Carisle Pike's exit was...Granted it turned out to be too early, but after a few minutes I found my way back onto where I wanted to go.
That may sound boring or not make sense (I'm not sure if half the things I write will make sense if anyone reads it) but it's a big deal for me. I'm scared of change, even small things..
Even today, I was walking down a section of the mall, granted it's not a very big mall, but there was a section I had never walked fully down before. And wouldn't you know it, there were stores there I haven't seen before!! Now none of them seemed very interesting, and I didn't actually go inside but..
No, this can't sound very interesting at all.
It's cold. Stupid farm house. Stupid room with one small heating rent over the closet door which can not close so all the heat goes into the stupid closet..
Maybe I should take everything outta the closet & make some kind of mini 'dark room' in there..Actually I've tried to do something like that before, in this room (my computer room where my action figures are hung) I put up some love beads & tried to nail dark curtains to the ceiling..(laughs alittle to myself)..I should have had a hand-drawn 'SARA'S SPACE, KEEP OUT!' for it all.
Still I would like some area where my parents (or actually just my mom, she's the snoopy one) could not get to..Hmmm..funny..sorta.
I have various posters hanging up, action figures, comics, movies stacked up, stuffed plushed toys arranged in piles..There are certain weird traits I don't hide, then there are some I do for whatever reason..Hmmm..I'm not sure why.
It's cold, I ain't exercising today. I'm not gonna take off my robe & put on exercising clothes..It's the cold's fault, not mine.
(slight sigh) - just breathing & thinking
Living in my head too much, I know. I always know. When I'm by myself or when no one is interacting (talking) with me I'll always go into that mode. Since I was alittle kid, when it was normal, I've just never grown out of it. I'm myself in these dreams in my head, but I've had adventures & I'm friendly with different people (mostly fictional) that I've obsessed about. We've talked so much, been though so much (in my head) I don't wanna say goodbye to them. My actual life, I can't deal with it.
It's too late to fix. I've realised at some point in this last year - I'm 24, I haven't had a real friend since I was about 12 - hence I've been by myself & in this state half my life. And, alcourse the first half I can't really remember much.
But I've blocked out most of my school memories. I don't think of them, never try to. It's forgotten as far as I've concerned.
On to more important matters (non-website related) I need to find a job (trying), I need to move out (ha!) and...That's a enough of a goal for now.
Oh, I do hate when my diary entries get all mopey & whiney. Still I wish someone could hear this..er, or I guess read this (same difference, right?)
Same Difference, there was this person on the old KOP forum by this username. She said she would send me various footage for free, just I would have to send $5 for shipping. She was friendly to me, she even called up my house (from California) once & chatted awhile. She never send me that footage. I hate it when people do that. Act friendly then..
There have been other people too..Another guy around the MJ forums, I believe he went by 'Magic Child', (I did know his real name by that's besides the point) we talked a good bit. Then he stopped. LOL, he was even gonna help me set up this site...Oh, no I won't say it, you wouldn't believe.
Another one, not connected to the MJ rounds, 'Dead Can Dance' was his username.
My memories are these people are fuzzy, but I do remember them. They acted friendly to me, talked to me for awhile & then stopped. I hate it when people do this. Give me false hope.
Enough for an entry.
